Prisoner in Myself
by Sakura02
Summary: Okita only wanted to see the world outside his sickroom. As the tuberculosis begins to claim him, will he find it in himself to go on? Implied shounen ai.
1. Chapter 1

Prisoner in Myself

_Characters belong to no one, seeing as they were based off real-time Shinsengumi, but the creation of them in a manga is credited to Nanae Chrono. _

_Warning: implied/actual shounen ai (very mild) is possible, but this is a first for me, so we'll see how it goes._

º º º

Okita sighed, continuing to stare up at the ceiling. It had snowed last night, and although he didn't mind it when he was forbidden from going outside yesterday, today there was actually enough snow to have some fun. It might not have even bothered him that much, but Yamazaki kept coming in to check on him and during that brief moment it took to slide the door shut behind him, Okita was able to see things other than the walls of his tatami room. Watching Tetsu, Shinpachi, and the others throwing snowballs at each other and having a good time made Okita feel lonely and a little jealous.

Now, he was lying on his futon, his room deserted of any form of company. Not even Saizou was allowed to visit him. He hadn't seen Hijikata in a few days, due to the fact that the vice-commander had taken over all the duties originally assigned to the first unit captain and was now usually out patrolling the town.

Okita sat up slowly and looked towards the sliding doors before him. He wanted to go outside and enjoy the scenery. Aside from the snow, he didn't even know what the weather was like. His room was stuffy and it was hard to breathe, but that could have just been the illness.

He crept out from underneath the covers, slipped into his tabi socks, and stepped forward.

As he slid the panel open, he was amazed at how crisp and refreshing the air felt. He inhaled deeply through his nose, which soothed him greatly. When he looked out onto the grounds, he realized that there was more snow than he thought there would be.

He heard a noise over to his left, and saw Tetsu and Heisuke having a snowball fight against Shinpachi and Sano. Not yet ready to go back into his room, Okita walking to the end of the deck towards them, his arms crossed in front of him to block the cold.

"Good morning, everyone!" he called to them.

Sanosuke dropped his snowball mid-pitch, and he and the others looked to the direction of the voice. Realizing soon enough who it was and remembering his delicate condition, they ran towards him, concerned.

"Okita-san!" Tetsu cried, beaming.

"Should you really be out here, Okita-taichou?" Shinpachi asked. "You'll only make yourself sicker."

"No, it's okay. I feel a lot better today."

Okita leaned his shoulder on the nearest support column, not because he was feeling sick, only because he wanted to lessen the weight on his feet.

"But you only have on your night-wear, and it's freezing out here," Heisuke commented.

"I promise you, it's nothing to worry about." When they continued to look at him with apprehension, he continued. "Since I can't do it myself, I'd love to see you all build a snowman."

He smiled down at them, and it was hard to deny him anything when he made a face like that. They knew that every time Yamazaki did a check-up on Okita, the news was never good, but this last one had been grim; he predicted that this would be Okita's last winter.

Tetsu and the three captains got to work making the best snowman possible.

As Okita watched them roll the snow to create the bottom portion of a snowman, he sat himself on the edge of the raised deck, careful not to wet his tabi socks in the snow. He fidgeted with his hands at first, not used to having them piglet-free, but then settled with them cupped in his lap.

If it weren't for his being sick, he could be out there helping them. He could be with Saizou and Hijikata, or doing his duties as a Shinsengumi captain; but instead of all that, he was isolated from the world, waiting for the damned disease to take him from it.

When he refocused his attention on the snowman, Heisuke and Shinpachi were already putting two sticks for arms on either side of the middle section, while Sano helped Tetsu put on the head.

"Keep it up, your four," Okita called as Heisuke began to add a face to the snowman by using stones he picked up from the ground.

"It's not done yet!" Tetsu shouted back, turning and running off.

Within a matter of minutes, he was back with a Shinsengumi robe. Okita recognized it as his own, and began feeling that certain emptiness whenever he was reminded of his condition.

Tetsu had found the robe in Okita's old tatami room. Ever since Okita's diagnosis, he had been moved to a new, cleaner room under Yamazaki's orders, and had left a majority of his belongings behind. That included his uniform and sword.

"There, all finished!"

The finishing touch to the snowman had been when Sano draped the Shinsengumi robe over its shoulders. Okita loved it and he wanted to see it up close.

He stepped off the raised deck, feeling the squish in his tabi as he walked through the snow.

"It's you, Okita-san," Tetsu said as Okita reached them.

"So it is," he beamed.

"Is it really okay for you to be walking out here?" Sano asked. "You're not even wearing shoes."

"Yes, it's all right. I feel fi-"

Okita's body convulsed, but he was not fast enough to fully cover his mouth. Blood flew over the top of his hand, splattering the snowman's face and falling on the snowy ground. He felt horrible for ruining the snowman.

He was bent forward, his body racked with coughs. He knew the others were still around him and frantic, but for some reason he couldn't get himself focus on them.

It was at this time that Hijikata was returning from his patrols. He walked past the two front guards, turning his attention elsewhere as he heard someone coughing violently. He knew immediately who it could have been and raced towards it.

When Hijikata reached them, Yamazaki had also arrived and was doing his best to calm the ailing man. Okita was beginning to cease his coughing, but his body was shaking and he still couldn't breathe. He could feel himself being watched by Hijikata, so he turned towards him. He attempted to smile to comfort the man, but it was merely a grimace and the sudden movement had sent him into another coughing fit.

When Okita returned his eyes to the ground, he felt light-headed and collapsed into Yamazaki. With help from Hijikata and the three other captains, Yamazaki was able to carry Okita back into his tatami room.

º º º

"How could you have been so stupid?"

Hijikata was worried about Okita, and that worry soon turned into rage. While he waited for news from Yamazaki, Hijikata took up the task of punishing and scolding the idiots who had mad him so angry.

"I ought to strip your captain ranks for this!"

Tetsu, merely a page, was only harshly scolded, and did not receive the same punishment as the three captains; all three of them had been beaten at least once. Hijikata did not hit them as hard as he would have liked, but he figured it was enough to knock some sense into them.

"B-But Hijikata-san, we tried to tell Okita-san that he shouldn't be outside-"

Heisuke was back-handed on the cheek. His lower lip was already badly swollen and starting to bleed.

"_Tried to tell him_? Why not try to _restrain _him?"

Hijikata had a wild look about him, almost like a crazed man. Tears were starting to well up in little Tetsu's eyes, but he was afraid to let him fall in fear of what the vice-commander would do to him.

"HIJIKATA-SAMA!"

Loud, padded feet were rushing towards them. Judging by the sound of their voice, they were in desperate need of finding Hijikata. They were coming closer and closer, and finally, Hijikata turned away from the captains before him and around to the sliding doors behind.

The door slid open to reveal a flushed and panting Yamazaki. He leaned forward on his knees to try to catch his breath, before looking up at Hijikata.

"Hijikata-sama...Okita. Okita-san is...awake. Wanted you to know."

"How is he?" Hijikata asked.

"He has a fever now, but otherwise he's fine."

Yamazaki looked past Hijikata at the three captains and small page boy all sitting with their backs against the wall. The captains had a few cuts and bruises but it was nothing too serious. Yamazaki looked at Tetsu and shook his head, letting a small smirk slip past his features.

"I'm sorry," Hijikata muttered behind him before leaving the room after Yamazaki.

º º º

"He's very tired, because of the fever," Yamazaki warned. "But he wanted to see you."

Hijikata nodded and grabbed the doorframe. For some reason, he was nervous about going in. Okita had requested to see him, and Hijikata wasn't about to refuse him, but just the thought of the Shinsengumi's first unit captain so frail just ate away at him. He wished there was something he could do.

"Thank you," he said to Yamazaki before sliding the door open and walking in.

The room was extremely stuffy upon entering; it was no reason Okita had wanted to go outside. Okita himself was lying on his futon, eyes closed as if he were already asleep. Hijikata quietly walked over and sat beside him.

"Souji," he whispered.

Okita slowly opened his eyes, and even that seemed like a struggle for him. When he noticed Hijikata, he smiled as best he could and tried to sit up.

"Don't," Hijikata cautioned. "You'll only strain yourself."

Okita rolled his eyes and continued, wincing as he did.

"Don't treat me like I'm dying," Okita said softly, half-smiling.

Hijikata's breath caught. He hadn't been trying too, but lately he'd begun to treat Okita differently. Not that it mattered, Yamazaki was positive that Okita would die within the next year. But he really wanted to act like nothing was different between them.

It was hard to act like Okita wasn't sick, because he really looked it. He'd been coughing up a lot more blood lately and he'd lost 15 pounds within the last month. Now, with his fever and fatigue, his eyes were sunken and his cheeks were flushed.

"I'm cold," Okita said, frowning.

"That's what you get for going outside."

"No, I think it's because I haven't changed out of my socks." He laughed.

Hijikata watched as Okita crawled out from under his massive amount of blankets, revealing his sodden tabi.

"You need socks," Hijikata said.

"I'll get them!"

"No, I'll get them _for you_."

Hijikata got up and walked to the only other piece of furniture in the room. He opened the drawer and pulled out a clean set of socks. He walked back and sat down again.

"Give me your feet," he said, even though it sounded weird.

Okita did, revealing frozen, almost blue feet.

"Stupid, who walks around in the snow without shoes?"

Okita put his finger to his chin, and laughed. "I guess I do."

Hijikata sighed. He unrolled the new pair of tabi and slipped them onto Okita's naked feet. He grabbed the covers of the futon and pulled them up to rest on Okita's lap.

"Thanks. That's better," Okita said, stifling a yawn.

"I should let you sleep."

Hijikata started to get up, but was stopped when Okita reached out and grabbed his hand. He had a pained look on his face, and within a few seconds, he started to cough violently. It was short-lived and blood-free, but it had sapped what little energy he had left.

"Please stay, Hijikata-san," Okita said, his voice strained.

"Fine, but only until you fall asleep."

Shakily, Okita shuffled back down under the covers. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. Other than nearly coughing up a lung (again), he concluded that he had had a pretty decent day. He'd got to go outside and have a snowman built for him. And now, he was spending time was Hijikata.

He knew that soon, this retched disease would take him from Hijikata and his friends, but for now, he was happy to be living, even if it had only been an ideal life until he'd gotten sick. Either way, he was still happy.

"Mind if I use your lap? It's a lot better than this pillow-thing."

Hijikata's face turned a bright pink, but that didn't stop him from helping Okita situate himself. He remembered how Okita used to like to sleep in his lap when they were both kids; for some reason, he claimed it helped calm him.

"Good night, Hijikata-san," Okita said, shutting his eyes.

It was almost instantly that Okita's breathing pattern changed into that of sleep, but that didn't stop Hijikata from saying one last thing.

"Good night, Souji."

º º º

_I adore this couple. And I know it was more implied shounen ai than anything else, but I still thought it was cute. I like very few shounen ai couples, this being one of them, the other being Yuki and Shu-chan from Gravitation._

_This was my first Peacemaker Kurogane fic, but I enjoyed writing it so much that I want to make this a chapter fic. I know, you are all saying "Oh no, she said the __**c-word**__," but I promise it'll be short. One to two more chapters, tops. _

_Anyway, tell me what you think. I tried to keep the characters in as in-character as possible, but I've only seen the anime and have never read the manga (I'm working on that though), so sorry if I screwed up the honorifics. I also like how I only wrote the first names for "The Three Comedians" and Tetsu. And Okita's...whenever Hijikata said it._


	2. Chapter 2

Prisoner in Myself

_Mmm, candy canes are good. Wouldn't you agree?_

º º º

Okita awoke with a start; he'd been startled in his sleep by a sudden feeling of being suffocated. He sat up and wiped the sweat off his brow. Looking around the room, he realized Hijikata had left. He was disappointed at first, but once he thought about it, if Hijikata were to stay with him longer than necessary, there was a possibility that he would get sick too.

Again, he felt the need to wander outside, but after everything that happened yesterday, he thought it better just to sit in his tatami room and think. Once, Okita thought about Hijikata and his reaction to being asked to let him used his lap as a pillow. Okita laughed. He loved to torment Hijikata, if only to see his reactions to things that he said.

"Okita-san, are you awake?"

Okita turned to his sliding doors and saw the silhouette of little Tetsu, broom in hand. It looked darker than usual and how he wanted to go outside.

"What is it, Tetsu-kun?"

"I need to clean your room," Tetsu said bluntly.

Okita was about to remind the page that he was under strict orders not to leave his room for fear of getting sick(er), although it was mainly just to stay out of trouble, but then Tetsu stopped him.

"Susumu and Hijikata-san already said it was okay."

If Okita wasn't so sore from coughing all the time, he would have stood up and bolted for the door, but instead, he had to crawl out from under his blankets and gradually make his way over. He felt like an old man and that really upset him.

By the time he made it to the door, he was panting. He had to lean on the doorframe as he slid it open. Just as it had yesterday, the air soothed him as soon as it made contact with his skin. He didn't know if he still had a fever, but the crisp air felt great.

"Hi, Okita-san," Tetsu greeted. "There's dinner in the dining hall if you want any."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry."

Okita sighed as he walked past the page. This had to be one of the reasons why he felt so weak all the time. He knew he needed to eat, and sometimes he even wanted to, but every time he so much as smelt food, it made him sick to his stomach. He'd gotten so much skinnier as of late that now his clothes were beginning to be too big for him.

He noticed now why it had looked so dark when he woke up. The sun was already setting. He thought it was strange when Tetsu said there was still dinner, but apparently, Okita had slept the entire day. It was much colder now than what it had been yesterday.

As he began to leave the comfort of his room, he saw the snowman Tetsu and the others had worked so hard to build for him yesterday. Okita's Shinsengumi robe had been removed from the snowman, but from the blood stains left there from yesterday, the snowman looked as sick and pitiful as Okita himself.

He cringed as he walked past the horrible snowman and continued to the back of the Shinsengumi headquarters where Saizou and his family lived. Sitting with his knees tucked against his chest and his back to the wall, Okita buried his head in his knees and left his arms hanging limply at his sides.

Miserable, that's what he was. And sick. He hated that quality most of all. Not that he wished his illness on any other of the Shinsengumi members, but why had God cursed _him_ with the disease? Had he really done so much wrong in his life to deserve this fate?

He sat contemplating this for a while, and if anyone were to come upon him at that moment, he would have seemed dead. At some point, he felt Saizou's presence as he joined him, but the piglet was ignored when he nudged Okita to get picked up. Okita was completely still if not for the occasional cough that caused his body to shake.

He knew he was bound for punishment once he was found. He would get harsh scoldings from Yamazaki and Hijikata, but after all, he did deserve it. His mind wandered freely as things like his illness and his deteriorating body, along with other topics that led to his feeling more and more depressed flashed before him.

When had he contracted the disease? According to Yamazaki, it was not something that came on suddenly, but rather took weeks to months to even years to take over the body. He could have had it without even showing symptoms. He could vaguely remember when he first began to have these coughing fits that stole the breath right out of his lungs, leaving him panting and exhausted.

After a while, although he didn't know how long exactly, Okita lost the feeling in his fingers and toes. Head still buried in his knees, he attempted to wiggle his toes back to life, but he quickly gave up when he realized it was pointless. He knew he'd been out back for over a half hour, and Tetsu was surely done cleaning his room by now, but Okita was in such a slump that he stopped caring. He shifted some to get comfortable again, but pretty much stayed in the same position. When he moved, he excited Saizou, but the pig soon curled up by its master's feet when Okita failed to move again.

It couldn't have been even five minutes later before Okita felt someone start to gently shake him. Like with Saizou, he ignored it at first, but then they began to shake him more violently.

"Okita-san? Okita-san!"

Finally, Okita looked up, but wasn't really seeing who was in front of him. He was met with the worried face of Tatsunosuke. Tatsu looked relieved to see some sort of response from the sickly captain. He looked directly into Okita's eyes, adding confusion to his already worried face.

"Okita-san, were you...crying?"

Okita's eyes widened some. Had he been crying? He didn't even remember. Whatever the case, he must have looked more of a mess than usual for Tatsu to ask him such a thing.

"Come on, we need to get you inside before you catch hypothermia too."

Tatsu kneeled down beside Okita and grabbed one of his arms to try and lift him. Okita, only vaguely aware of what was going on, allowed this and stood. His body was so stiff and frozen that it was difficult to move as he followed Tatsu across the raised deck. He noticed the sun was gone and it was a lot darker from when he had first stepped outside.

Luckily, Tatsu's room was just on the other side of the wall Okita had been sitting against. Tatsu sat Okita on the floor and tossed him a thick blanket, which he took greedily. Before Tatsu had taken a break from his work, he had made some hot tea, but had gone outside for a while to let it cool some. That's when he had found Okita. Tatsu figured now, whatever the temperature of his tea, it would surely warm Okita, so he handed it to the captain.

Okita, who had continued to stare straight ahead, his eyes glazed, took the steaming cup from Tatsu, set it beside him, and did nothing further. Tatsu, more afraid for Okita's health than ever, walked back towards the sliding doors, looking back over his shoulder as he opened them.

"I'll be right back," he said, stepping out and sliding the door shut behind him, leaving Okita completely alone.

Okita, who had been so numb from being outside for so long, only now realized how cold he was. He could feel painful pricks all over his skin as his body began to warm up. His fingers and toes were beginning to get their feeling back. Dropping and spilling the tea on the tatami mats, Okita lied curled up beneath the blanket and began to shiver, while continuing to stare at the opposite wall.

"W-We've got to go, H-Hijikata-san," he whispered, through chattering teeth. "We're g-going to be l-late."

It was spring and the cherry blossoms were just starting to bloom. Hijikata was taking Okita to his entrance ceremony into the Shinsengumi. Hijikata himself had already been accepted a few years back and was already a captain, and now it was Okita's turn. But they were never going to make it on time if Hijikata didn't walk faster.

In fact, they had made it on time. Or at least, were definitely there by the time Okita Souji's name was called. He recieved his Shinsengumi uniform that day, and his sword. The two objects he'd been allowed to carry everywhere with him, until he'd gotten sick.

As he lied shivering on the ground, he was aware of the a group of people that walked in, at least five of them. He even knew when Yamazaki kneeled down beside him and pushed away the empty cup of spilt tea.

"I d-don't want to join the S-Shins-sengumi-i...I n-need to pick some p-pickled p-plums."

This was before he met Hijikata. His farmer father wanted him to join, but he was naive and thought of nothing but picking fruits and playing with his friends.

"He's delirious!"

Okita recognized Kondo's voice, but he didn't understand what he had said. The old man tended to babble a lot and about nothing in particular. He felt Yamazaki place a hand on his cheek and he shied away from the warm touch. His skin was still icy cold.

"I can't tell if he has a fever--he probably does," Yamazaki said over him. "I need someone to bring me some warm towels, or he's going to freeze."

Although Okita continued to stare off distantly, from out of his peripheral, he saw someone tall remove something from their feet and hand whatever it was to Yamazaki. The ninja-turned-docter then placed a pair of tabi on his feet. They were unusually warm, but right now Okita didn't have the capacity to think on it any further.

Yamazaki took something from a short red-headed someone, and then Okita felt a warm wet towel hit forehead and neck. Okita had not been expecting the one on his neck and when it hit, it surprised him and he began to cough. He sounded worse than normal; his cough was a lot deeper and it made his chest burn.

"He sounds terrible," Tatsu said quietly.

As Okita continued to cough, Yamazaki helped him sit up, the towels sliding off his neck and forehead. He grabbed both his shoulders and began to shake him, for even though he was sure Okita knew of their presense, he still had the same dazed look in his eyes and did nothing as blood began to leak from the corners of his mouth. When Yamazaki shook the man by his shoulders, his head rolled back once or twice. That's when Yamazaki decided that he had had enough. He removed his right hand from Okita's shoulder and slapped it across the man's cheek.

That had done it.

Instantly, Okita's eyes returned from their lifeless state and he blinked them several times. The force of Yamazaki's blow had sent the blood trailing from Okita's lips flying out of his mouth and onto his and Yamazaki's sleeping kimonos. He coughed once more and then surveyed the room. Yamazaki and Tatsu were there, along with Kondo, Hijikata, and Tetsu.

"What's going on?" Okita asked, wrapping himself tighter with the blanket Tatsu had given him.

"I found you sitting on the other side of this wall," Tatsu explained. "Across from the pigpens."

"I was going to find you and tell you your room was cleaned," Tetsu said. "After about an hour and a half, I told Hijikata-san I couldn't find you."

Okita noticed the boy looked hurt. He felt bad for making him worry.

"I was outside that long? No wonder I'm so c-cold."

"Okita-kun, are you all right?" Kondo asked, frowning.

"You mean, aside from the fact that I'm dying?--"

"Stop it."

It was Hijikata. Okita knew that Hijikata hated when he joked around with a matter so serious as his own life, but Okita really couldn't see any harm in it. After all, he _was_ dying.

"What he means is," Yamazaki started, moving so that he was directly in front of Okita. "I just woke you up from a slight form of depression. When Tatsu-kun found you and when I examined you here, you were completely unresponsive. You've gone through so much recently that it would have seemed unnatural for you to _not_ get a little upset about it."

Okita's mind was hazy. He understand what Yamazaki was telling him, but it seemed strange. A depression? Tetsu had told him about dinner, which had reminded him how the disease had taken away his appetite. He had gone to visit Saizou, but he had let his mind wander. He remembered he had cried, briefly; the weight of knowing he was about to die, the always present reminders of Yaminami's ritual suicude, it had been too much.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. He didn't know why he said it, but it seemed appropriate.

"We need to get you back to your room," Yamazaki said, standing. "I'll go make you some broth; it'll warm you up and it's light enough that you shouldn't have a problem eating it."

When he left, Kondo followed. Tetsu came to pick up the towels and then dashed out to put them with the rest of the used laundry. Hijikata stayed behind, walking over to help Okita back to his room. With help from Tatsu, Okita was able to find his balance and stand properly. Okita began to pull the blanket off his shoulders to hand it back to Tatsu, before he stopped him.

"Keep it," Tatsu said. "It's cold out there, and I can just have Tetsu bring me another one."

Okita smiled his thanks, and was then led out of the room by Hijikata. Having the weight of the blanket over his weakening body, made the trip back to his room seem so much longer. He was disappointed about having not seen Saizou as he had wanted to, but he figured maybe he would be lucky enough to get another chance of going outside tomorrow. He had to smile at that one. This was already the second day in a row that something had happened because he had been allowed out of his room. He was sure that he would be condemned to his room forever now.

He bowed his head and closed his eyes as he walked. If this truly was his last chance of being outdoors, he was going to treasure every second of it. He took in a big breath of air through his nose, releasing it slowly through his mouth and almost sighing with pleasure.

"Is there something about socks that you don't like, or am I just imagining it?"

"Why would you ask that?" Okita asked, smiling while keeping his eyes shut.

"I'm always having to get you a new pair, that's why."

Confused, Okita opened his eyes. With his head still bowed, the first thing he saw were Hijikata's bare feet walking beside his own covered ones. He knew he had gone outside without putting on any tabi...

"Hijikata-san! You're going to catch a cold like that! What were you thinking?"

"I was wearing socks when I went looking for you," Hijikata said, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve.

Hijikata pulled his pipe from out of his other sleeve and lit it. It was true about him wearing socks before.

"Then, these...are yours?" Okita asked. In the back of his mind, he remembered someone taking off their socks and handing them to Yamazaki. He remembered how they had been unusually warm, not like a new pair would have been.

For an answer, Hijikata removed the pipe from his mouth and blew a long stream of smoke into the air. He looked down at Okita, but never said a word.

They were now very near Okita's sickroom, and when he noticed it himself, he pulled Hijikata's arm, rushing them over, and insisting that Hijikata borrow some tabi. The energy used to drag a man of Hijikata's stature left Okita bent over and coughing once they reached the inside of his tatami room.

"Quit pushing yourself, Souji," Hijikata said firmly.

Making sure that Okita was going to be all right, Hijikata went over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of tabi. Pressing his arm on the wall for support, Hijikata slipped on the socks and made his way back to Okita. By the time Hijikata made it back over, Okita was already sitting on his futon, the blanket Tatsu had given him draped over the one he always used.

"Are you still cold?" Hijikata asked.

"A little, but I'll be all right."

"You were worried about something this evening, weren't you?"

"Ah, so Tetsu-kun told you. I tried not to make my face too obvious," Okita said, smiling solemnly. "He's got a good intuition."

It didn't look like Okita was going to elaborate on the subject any further, so Hijikata decided that he would go out and finish smoking. He stood and began walking towards the two sliding doors. Although Okita tended to joke about the matter in public, Hijikata knew that Okita's condition was a very touchy issue with him. He smiled only to make the others happy.

"I couldn't breathe," Okita said softly as Hijikata reached to slide open the door.

Hijikata stopped, his arm still outstretched. He did not turn around.

"I had a dream before that," Okita continued. "I was dying. My lungs were filling up with _something_...and I was drowning. When I woke up it felt like I had been choked. It really terrified me; it's probably the main reason why I had that depression Yamazaki-kun was talking about. But I should worry about it since it was only a dream, right? What do you think Hijikata-san?"

Hijikata brought his outstretched arm back to his side and clenched it into a fist. Okita had paused before saying that last part, and by the sound of his voice, Hijikata could tell he was smiling. And Hijikata couldn't stand to see the front Okita used to mask his pain, so he didn't bother to turn back.

"Get some rest," Hijikata said, once again reaching for the door; this time he was able to take a step outside. "I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

As Hijikata slid the door closed behind him, he could have sworn he heard Okita say something. He shook his head, hoping he hadn't heard what he thought he had. He took a few steps forward and stopped. He took a few more and stopped again. He did this repeatedly until he had made it back to his room. Okita couldn't have said that. He thought about turning around and asking just to make certain. And he did.

He slid Okita's door open and peered inside. If it weren't for the candle used to light the room, Hijikata wouldn't have been able to see much. He hadn't even been gone five minutes, but already Okita was lying in his futon with his eyes closed. Why was the candle still lit? His heart beginning to race, Hijikata took another careful look at Okita. His chest was not rising nor was it falling.

Hijikata cursed suddenly. It wasn't appropriate, but it was the best he could do now. He wasn't thinking. He couldn't think. That's when Okita's parting words rang in his ears, and he was certain he had heard correctly.

"_Goodbye, Hijikata Toushizou_."

º º º

_Okay, so the real Okita Souji was born in a mansion, so was therefore a little rich kid, which means that his father couldn't have been a farmer...BUT, he was for the purpose of this story. Get over it. Also, a lot of other facts about the historical characters were changed to aid the story. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, not much about the characters' pasts were brought up in the anime or the manga (I only just finished the second volume of Shinsengumi Imou Peace Maker though)._

_You know what I realized recently? Tuberculosis is apparently a very common disease in anime. According to what I've seen, we have Hayate and Kimimaro from Naruto, Ukitake from Bleach, and Okita from Peacemaker Kurogane. I know there are others too (because I looked them up on youtube), but they're not from any series I'm currently interested in. Hmm, which reminds me: I missed Ukitake's birthday. I posted Hitsugaya's on my profile, but not Ukitake's. Forgive me Ukitake-taichou! (I'm crazy...just ignore it)_

_Well, tell me what you thought of the story. It was originally supposed to be a one-shot, so I struggled with the end of the second chapter. Sorry if it wasn't up to par. Anyway, I'm getting ready to write another Peacemaker Kurogane fic, but there's a detail I purposely "forgot" to tell Wah-Keetcha for fear that she would kill me. Ugh..._


End file.
